On Limitations

A path to quiet

Dearest Readers,

Happy December…oh, December.

I don’t know how this final month of the year has unfolded for you, friends, but for me, it came calling and whipped past in a sort of harried and disappointed flurry. Even now, its end feels imminent, and I’m wrestling with an unsettled tension. A longing for what I desperately need but am struggling to attain.

Quiet.

I had great expectations for this season of waiting, this rhythmic time of Advent—ideas of rest and waiting on God, despite the knowledge that with my seasonal job, my children’s schedules, and work on my manuscript—life would be full. I will find soul-quiet amid the bustle, I told myself at the beginning of the month. A restful mind is attainable, even amongst much activity, I argued. But, alas, I have fallen short.

It has not been a season of quiet or rest—outwardly nor inwardly. In complete transparency, the inward discord has been even more prevalent than the external pressures for a variety of reasons.

And yet…

Back in November, I ordered Sarah Clarkson’s newest release, Reclaiming Quiet and set it aside for Advent. A little gift for the season. This author’s work is always precious and despite my soul grappling—maybe because of it—I’m finding tremendous solace in its pages. Sarah’s words are ever steeped in beauty, both in prose and insights, and this title has been no different. Essentially, as the subtitle of the book suggests, she has drawn her readers toward “cultivating a life of holy attention.” Toward a life of quiet dependence.

Even as I struggle to find said dependence, my daily readings of Reclaiming Quiet have brought intervals of meditation—brief though they may be. And ever faithful, God has been using circumstances, my deep unease and mental floundering, and the words of this book to bring an awareness of my desperate need for his guidance and even more so, his presence, as I pursue this writing path along with the rest of life.

One of the most impactful chapters in my current season addresses the idea of limit. I reached this section of the book at the height of this month’s pondering and angst, and God seemed to say—Here, daughter: read this.

As Sarah points out, we are not people of limitless capacity. We were not made to do anything and everything—we are hedged in by constraints in resources, time, gifting, etc. We have boundaries.

Only God is without borders. And I am not God.

We, his people, are his workmanship—his poema—created for good works that point to his glory (Ephesians 2:10). But we, as individuals, are not the full poem—rather more like singular verses that contribute to the whole. I have, by God’s gracious gifting, been given a line to write and one part of my faithfulness, is accepting the limits he’s given me. This has been the resounding lesson this month.

Without getting into much detail, it has also been a greater reckoning as I consider my future as a writer. There are so many paths a writer can take: nonfiction and/or fiction. Traditional or self-publishing. Journalism, non-profit writing, articles, or devotions. There are organizations to join, classes and seminars and conferences to attend. There are various options for making money: editing or teaching or…or…or.

To be sure, I’m drawn to all of it.

But these past few weeks I sense God saying: Tiff, it’s time to minimize your lanes. You have limits. Good and gracious limits. There is a best path for you, and you must let the rest go. As hard as that is for me, I know that wisdom demands it. Soul quiet demands it. Longevity and intentionality and quality demands it.

And so, friends, as the year draws to an end, even in the swirl of unrest, God is beginning to clear some fog and show me I need to do some serious sifting. I need a bit more time to sit and hear, but I think some clarity is coming. The Lord is gracious.

How about you dear ones? How has this month blessed or challenged you? Are you finding a little quiet as the year draws to an end? Resting in your own grace-filled limitations? I truly hope so. If you need a little help getting there, do find your way to Reclaiming Quiet. Sarah’s work is always worthwhile and profitable.

In parting, Happy Christmas, friends. I pray it is merry and bright.

Til the new year,

Tiffany